Best Fathers Day Gifts - Give your dad what he really wants

Father's Day is close upon us, as can be seen by the over flowing junk mail in and around the mailbox. Everyone knows that these so called 'days' are an evil plan hatched by all the department stores and retailers so they can put their grimy hands down your pants and grab your wallet, and while they're down there, your balls too. Let's spare a thought for the countless trees that were sacrificed to bring attention to all the father's day deals

Let's for a moment forget the advertisements, even though they are like the smell of skank - clinging all over you. What do fathers really want? Does every dad want turbo charged power tools that can slice of his careless and in 2 seconds, or the latest semiautomatic garden hoe that can chop off all his 10 toes at the press of a button, or a John Rambo signature hunting knife? I don't think so. Here are the top 10 gifts any and every father would love to have.

Clothes - Lingerie, not for your dad, unless he's a fairy. Lingerie for a wife to wear for her husband. What is the common denominator for all men? Sex. Dress yourself up in sexy lingerie and turn up without a head-ache on father's day. Please note that this is probably not a good idea if you're trying to do this for your dad (you're his daughter). Unless you're super hot and your dad is a bit of an incestuous perv.

Power tools - Vibrators, this is an excellent gift because he can use it on himself as well as on his wife or partner. Believe me, if you are a wife, this is one power tool he will want to use on you everyday. Over and over again. Even when you are sleeping.

Books - How about an annual subscription to Playboy or Penthouse? Or something a bit more skankier like 'tit-o-rama' if your dad is so inclined. Not only will he actually read through the whole magazine, but this will help give his right hand a good workout too.

DVDs - Porn! I'd suggest softporn with a semblance of a story. He can fill in all the missing hardcore bits with his wife. This is the gift that keeps on giving, because when no one's home he can indulge in some serious monkey spanking. How many times can you watch Jeremy Clarkson? Once? Now how many times can you watch a hot woman undress? Nuff said.

Food - Forget chocolates or other fancy health foods. What he really wants is a bucket full of oil slathered KFC, a six pack of the best beer and some carpet to munch on a little later in the day.