Prince Charles The Pervy

We have always known that continued inbreeding within an already retarded gene pool would lead some people to leave their really super hot and sexy wife for a grandma that had not been spared the ugly stick. Case in point Prince Charles. But all is not lost. As the picture shows, years with Camilla's half deflated fun bags has not completely dulled the Princes eye and he can still recognize a pair of female breasts. Good on yer Charles.

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Sandra Bullock Trying To Be Nude, But Not Nude Enough.

Not many people are really interested in seeing Sandra Bullock nude. I mean Sandra is probbably as hot as a potato in antarctica and about as sexy as Sy Snootles. For the rest of you (yes both of you) I have some good news and bad news. The bad news is that you don't get to see Sandra Bullock fully nude in the move "The Proposal." The good news is we don't get to see Sandra Bullock fully nude in "The Proposal." There is a lot of hype around this movie, especially refering to the nudeness of Sandra Bullock. However, she's covering her nipples and nether region in the so called money shot, leaving you short changed. This is what we like to call PG nudity, or nudity that tickles your funny bone and not your boner Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful that she's covering up her nipples and crotch, but when you promise nudity, you must deliver nudity. This is a complete rip-off and an utter waste of our time.

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Twittering Idiots Lessen, as People Find Life

If updating your status on twitter is called tweeting then the person doing the updating must be a twit or maybe a twidiot. This is obviously a condensed and mentally challenged form of social networking. It is like twitter is the quarter-wit brother of half-wit facebook.

This author heard sometime back that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore were the most followed and were tweeting very regulary. Ashton should stop wasting time wanking off to Striptease while tweeting , and instead grab that old but sexy Demi and show her who her daddy is. Then again he doesn’t want jump Demi only to find out it’s actually that walking accident Brittany Murphy wearing a mission impossible style Demi moor ‘make-me-sexy’ mask and that he’d been well and truly punked! What about the idiots (yes you) that slavishly followed the ass-hat adventures of Ashton on twitter? Did you think that you could vicariously cop a feel from Demi Moore, despite the fact that Ashton hasn't been able to satisfy her, an any conceivable way yet? Well? So how does it feel to be confronted by one sexy MILF and not be able to get it up, and instead have to slink away into the toilet and introduce yourself to Mrs Palm and her 5 daughters.

Good news is that people are finally giving twitter the proverbial finger and leaving. Because, at the end of the day, no one want’s to know, when, what and for how long Kevin Bacon took a shit or when Christopher Walken got caught cheating on his right hand with his left, in the attic. People have realized that there is a life out there and that daily chores such as having a shit and maybe a wank – though may sound exotic when other celebs are doing it – is still best done by yourself. Well done people I’m impressed. Let's go find life and leave freeze-dried social networking to peadophiles that masquerade as little boys and pimply little boys who masquerade as little girls.

Honda: Literally Going to the Dogs

In the distant past there was once a legendary japanese motor company that produced an amazing car called the SiR, a fabulous series of B-motors with the highest specific outputs and incredible rev limits and sparked a legend with the notorious ‘type-R’ badge. A badge that to this day, that has crossed the bounadaries of manufacturers and indeed crossed the vehicular boundary into everyday parlance. This company today is making cars for dogs. WTF dogs? Yep, you heard it, dogs. How the mighty Honda has fallen. The fall highlited by the fact that the brawn F1 team – formerly known as Honda- is kicking ass this year after it replaced the shitty Honda powerplant by a Mercedes built one. Did we fail to mention that the S2000 replacemnet was canned so Honda can concentrate on the its hybrid? Consider yourseld mentioned!

Does Honda have any self respect left? People love a brand not just for the cars they can afford, but also the aura the brand generates through racing and fast and sexy sports cars. Nissan has the legendary GT-R, Mitusbishi and Subaru the boy-racer EVOs and STIs, Mazda has got the RX8 and Toyota has the new Supra on the way. What has Honda got? Why, a nice element with a cute mats-slide for your crippled dog who can’t jump 1 foot into the boot and I’m guessing a dog shit proof floor too. Or maybe the car has a special dog potty with a flush, and maybe even a prosthetic leg so your pooch can have some hump time or piss time - whichever catches its fancy. Maybe even a special saliva proof mini TV for your dog so he can watch shows such as "Cats getting owned" or "PlayDog" or possibly "GayDog" if your dog is a homo. Really high tech stuff, well done Honda!

Please don't even bother with the FD2 type-R or Mugen RR or some kind of rubbish like that. Those cars have no soul. They are not proper athletes like Usain Bolt, but Joe Blow on steroids, in a lycra suit and with some plastic surgery to reduce weight by removing his beer gut and man-boobs. I'm talking about fast cars not highly strung FWD rice rockets that you have to thrash the living daylights out of, just to beat an old lady at the lights, on a walker.

The day I decide to buy my dog a car instead of buying one for myself, please someone, runover my dog.

Introducing New Adult Text Smileys. Be Different!

Tired of the same old boring smileys/emoticons :-) ? Well here are some interesting adult smileys that you can use to vent your frustration. Some of them need a bit of lateral thinking, but they are all good. No daft images, just plain text only. See if you can create some yourself. This is the birth of a whole new set of smileys.

O|O You've got big balls.
?|? Where are your balls?
8- Small dick.
8====> Monster C*ck.
(_|_) ! Cute ass!
(_!_) Ass hole.
((_|_)) Shake that booty!
(__|__) Fat Ass!
(_ T_ ) Thong'ed (G-sting'ed) ass!
(.)(.) ! Wow! Nice Rack.
(*)(*) Perky!
(@)(@) Puffy!
( . )( . ) ?! Are those double Ds? DDang!
(Y) ! Nice legs.
( Y ) Thunder thighs.
8===> You're turning me on.


:-} o|o Lick my balls.
:-}(.)(.) Lick my tits.
:-X (_|_) Kiss My Ass
..|.. Up yours pal/Flip the bird.
.||.. Two fingered salute.
->? Get Lost.
\T/ C*nt!
\|/ Nice Camel toe!
\0/ Slut!
(Y)--8 Humping.
\T/--8 More humping.
|zzzzz> :-) Go screw yourself.
69 69
(0)__ Ass wipe(hard).

|zzzzz> Screwed.
|----- Nailed!
-> ~~~~ Go jump in the Lake.
8--.|||| Wanker (this needs some thought).
---C Tool.
8==> ~ ~ 0-: ? Do you swallow.
8< Scissors!!
8-- (_!_) ? Do you want it in the ass/Can I do you in the ass?
8-- X (_!_) Ass? I don't think so!
8-- (.)(.) ? Titty f**k
8--0-; BJ.
:-} \T/ Cunnilingus.

<3>Love
>-<3--> Arrow through my heart.
(:=X Skull and crossbones.
~~<> O Knocked Up!
:-XX-: French Kiss.
:-*(-: Peck on the cheek.
(Y)(Y)--8 ? How about a threesome?
(Y)(Y)--8--8 ? How about a foursome?

.|. & 4o|~ Every Man and his Dog.
8--4o|~ Bestiality.


Need help? Drop me a comment.


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Facebook Observations

These days facebook and twitter seem to be all the rage. When I mean rage I mean rage like Alec Baldwin going off (not getting off) on his daughter. Every Tom Dick, Harriet and Mr-Ass has a facebook account today. Even companies, talk shows, beggars on the street, pet gerbils, half dead grannies and fully dead grannies for that matter, are on facebook. So what has precipitated this massive religious-like fervent interest in facebook that is the envy of scientology and the late David Koresh?

The old definition of a social networking site was a place where a geek would go to seek like minded geeks. But only after his/her eyes started to water continuously after playing WarCraft for three straight days, his/her supply of redbull or tissue paper ran out and his/her right hand/finger got tired or maybe the batteries in 'that' device ran out.

However, now these sites are keenly visited by so called 'normal' people. In fact hot -potential cheerleader- chicks with really really really nice boobs are now being real geeks by spending days in front of their dainty little apples because of facebook.

People have hundreds of friends they would never be caught dead with in real life and know the most intimate details of when these people are going to the crapper, what they are having for lunch, what's currently making them sad, happy, horny or constipated. Most people constantly keep refreshing the browser for hours on end in the faint hope that something will change, like one of their so called friends suddenly getting the runs or someone posting a video of a rabbit humping a chicken.

Many people claim that facebook replaces face to face meetings with people? I don't think so. Not unless your PC can put her hand down your pants and grab your privates- we will always need a real person to do that. How much fun really can sex be in worlds like Second Life? Not a lot of fun, especially if that hot bikini-clad chick avatar is in real life a pot bellied homophobic construction worker and you can't really manipulate the mouse and your joystick at the same time. I doubt that people are using facebook to actually replace face to face contact. Nope, they are replacing work with facebook in the office. Let's face it. Any guy would have real sex with a fat chick that has been sparingly beaten with an ugly stick rather than have a wank to a virtual Lara Croft.

But we love facebook because by dint of being freinds of freinds of friends we get to see lots of hot chicks and hunky guys in various states of undress and insobriety. AND you can join thousands of meaningless groups such as "We dophins are intelligent too" and waste your time playing zillions of trivia games with inane questions such as what colour tampon does Tom Cruise wear?(What colour is Katie Holmes again?).

Is the Economic Crisis bigger than the Universe?

Everyone know the economic crisis visited upon us by those greedy wanker bankers is huge. But, really, how big is it in relation to the scale of the universe? We all know that the universe has extremely small values as well as extremely large values. But one thing in common is that these values are extreme - lots of zeroes. Think Pearl Harbour, then multiply those zeroes by a gazillion. Hang on anything into zero is still zero, but you get my drift.

Government's casually talk in the trillions of dollars for bail-out packages. Just how much is tens of trillions of dollars in the grand scheme of the universe?

Exteme Values	Scale
The age of our universe - approx 15 billion years old	10,000,000,000
Number of stars in our galaxy (Milky Way)	100,000,000,000
The length of a light year	1,000,000,000,000
Bail out package- talking trillions of dollars	10,000,000,000,000
Total number of living cells in a human body	100,000,000,000,000
The radius of an electron	1/1,000,000,000,000,000
Number of stars in our universe	1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
Plancks constant, probably the samllest number in quantum mechanics	1/1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

Not bad eh? We should first take off our hats to those wanker bankers before we take a couple of baseball bats to them.