Why All The Wailing About Japanese Whaling?

Here is a good ethical and intelligent conundrum that should be put to those sea pirates that call themselves animal rights activists. Yep, I mean the wankers from Sea Shepard and the tossers from Green Peace's anti-whaling Corps.

If you had the chance to kill a whale and feed it to starving children, what would you do? Well, we all know what those whale lovers would do. Skin the starving children and make dinghies so that they can molest the Nisshin Maru, like sex starved sperm after an egg.

What Japan should do is use part of the profit from the err... whaling research to help needy children in some 3rd world country. This would ordinarily cause a moral dilemma to any sane animal rights activists and possibly even Klingons. The only problem is that the anti-whaling activists are from the planet Beluga-5, where they make sweet passionate love to those damn sexy fish (if it lives in the sea, it’s a fish).

If you want to teach Japan a lesson – and you don’t want another Hiroshima- all you have to do is boycott Japanese products until they admit that the only research they are doing with whales is finding out how good they taste. This means no Honda Civic type-Rs, no Play Station 3s, no Bravia HD-TV and most importantly of all no Pokemon. Lack of Pokemon would probably cause more havoc than the lack of credit in the current credit crunch.

Please don't get me wrong. I love animals - especially the taste of them. But seriously, I guess the problem is that world hunger and children dying of starvation and disease is a really a hard picture to swallow. The price of failure is cold stark death. Lots of people find this unpalatable, like broccoli. Contrast this to anti-whaling, where the price of failure is sashimi. This is not only a more palatable ending, but tastes darn good too with some wasabi. If I were to fail at something. I’d rather the consequences be yummy sashimi than a dead kid.

Wake up ordinary people and whale-o-phile freaks, and smell the blubber! Let's get our priorities straight. Ferrari, people, whales – that is the natural order of the universe.

As a wise man(me) once said. ‘It is better to fail at saving a child’s life than be successful at saving a whale. For the first shows a noble heart, the latter just shows that you’re a jack-ass.’

The only way to make this problem go away is for MacDonald’s to start serving a blubber burger along with the other fattening filth they dish out. People who eat big Macs have obviously stopped worrying about the poor cows being slaughtered. So once they start eating blubber burgers, they’d forget about the slaughter of whales.

Cooking whale meat