Guys please make sure your gift is not even remotely related to anything in the list below.
1. Give her homemade IOU cards saying “This obligates the bearer to have anal sex with yourname". On the reverse have, "The bearer may escape the contract by substituting oral or anal."
2. Create and dedicate a website to her, with fake nude images. – her face photoshp'ed onto the body of Jessica Biel.
3. Super sexy lacey black g-string, bra and stocking which are two sizes too small for her. Then suggest she wear the G-string as an eye-patch, the stocking on her arms, and play “fantasy pirates.”
4. A sexual health book titled “A Women’s Guide To the Joys Anal Sex”
5. A didlo that is ½ the size of your dick
6. Your dick covered in colourful wrapping paper and a cute bow, with a small card saying – "Happy valentine’s day, girls eat chocolate, real women eat meat."
7. A $5000 plastic surgery holiday in Romania, where Dr Vlad da Impaler promises to use genuine goat hide, instead of the cheap fake Taiwanese crap.
8. A brooch with a pin – if your valentine is a blow up doll.
9. A stretchy white t-shirt with the slogan “I swallow.”
10. Crocodile skin boots or handbags, because fake crocodiles are on the endangered list.
For more practical gifts with a slim chance of actually getting laid, go to 10 Most Popular Valentine's day gifts.
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