HSV Commodore W427 unveiled in Melbourne. Australia's most powerful Holden

370 kW, 640 NM, 0-100kmph 4.7 sec

Australia just launched the 7 litre W427 HSV supercar - that's holden special vehicles for all you wankers outside Australia. It's heart is a 7 litre LS8 pinched from the Corvette from the land of the brave! This engine is almost 2 times bigger than Lewis Hamilton's MacLaren f1 car! It's more than four times bigger than my Nissan Tiida. You can stick four of these cars on a double decker bus and give the Boeing 747 a run for its money.

With Australia's brand spanking new prime minister Kevin Rudd desperately trying to cut back on green house gas emissions, this vehicle has very firmly flipped the him the bird. You're practically raping the environment every time you fire this beast up. When you depress the accelerator it's like kicking social responsibility in the head, after you have raped her friend, the environment!

When you accelerate it's like an angry donkey on steroids kicking you in the ass. You get whiplash despite the headrests, your dick gets compressed to nothing and your balls go into hiding. When you step on those huge 6 pot brakes it's like that angry donkey we talked about earlier kicking you in the gut. Your eyes pop out of your sockets, your dick stretches to 1 foot, your balls touch the floor mats and your heart ends up splattered across the windscreen. The exhaust sounds like a brontosaurus farting after eating too much curry, and people gasp as you go past, not in awe, but because the engine has sucked up all the available oxygen in the area.

Who is going to buy such a monster in Australia where the highest legal speed is limit 120 kmph, with most suburbs limited to 60kmph only and the price of petrol going through the roof thanks to those jobless camel humping oil sheiks? I'll tell you who! Not me, because I don't have enough money.

Expect to smoke clutches faster than Paris Hilton smokes Rick Salomon's meat cigar, and expect to guzzle more fuel than Mel Gibson guzzling hooch. However, this car is not a chick magnet unless you consider gas/petrol stations as hot sexy girls. You must be filthy rich or crazy or probably both to buy this car. $120,000 (Australian) either gets you this HSV supercar or it gets you a Honda Civic and about 5 years worth of fairly above average Russian hookers.

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