Sunday, March 16, 2008

Let's Kill the Chocolate Peddling Evil Easter Bunny

Easter is around the corner and those big evil companies are opening their Adamantium cages to let out that most fearful of scourges. Yes I mean those viscous paedophillic creatures that exclusively target little children - The easter bunny.

Ever since the poor Aztecs rotted their teeth drinking chocolate in 1100BC, before Mr Cortes came and put a stop to all the teeth rotting by cutting off their heads, chocolate has continued to rot the teeth of thousands of children. The bunny and the egg are also ancient symbols of fertility. The egg because it represents birth and the bunny because it humps like well... a bunny. Anyway in the 18th century some crazy Hitlers (sorry, I mean Germans ) decided that a genetically mutated bunny would actually lay the easter eggs. And so the monster was born. Fast forward to today and the easter eggs have turned into chocolate and the cute bunny into a vile monster that rivals Godzilla and Mothra. Worse because those Japanese monsters were mythical and stupid, whereas the Easter Bunny is real, crafty and supported by evil slave labour supporting chocolate Borg-like empires.

Easter has been subverted by Cadburys, Nestle etc. Now it's just a vessel to sell more chocolate to dumb and dumber children and parents. You think you are buying chocolate for your children, but you are really lining the fat pockets of those socially irresponsible chocolatiers. So this Easter lets Kill the fucking feaster bunny. I don't mean literally by repeatedly stabbing the bunny with a Rambo knife and then curb stomping it's head into the ground. I mean metaphorically by not buying tons and tons of chocolate to feed your already obese little whales aka children. Why? Not because I care about the health of your little whales, or because I care about Christ's hard-to-believe re-birth, but because I hate it when companies subvert something so they can make a buck out of it. Especially off yougnlings.

There is a sucker born every minute - let someone else have a turn at being that sucker

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

What a killjoy!