Wednesday, December 17, 2008

How To Save Money In Times of Financial Crisis

The global financial crisis is biting like an angry wolverine with an advanced case of lock jaw. Money is tighter than your virgin sister. So, here are some practical ways to stretch that budget without snapping it (For more info see Dummy's guide to the financial crisis).

1. Have sex more often. It's fun and relieves stress - provided your wife is not an old cow requiring regular 'service' and/or your sex is not usually preceded by some kind of payment for 'favours' rendered.

2. Cancel cable TV. Go outside and have a look at the nightly starry sky. This should be extra clear because the electricity company has probably cut off your electricity by now.

3. Don't drive to work and burn fuel - walk or cycle instead. Oh wait a sec, you were made redundant so you don't have to go to work. Think of all money you're saving by not having to fill up.

4. Don't go out for movies, download torrents and watch them on your PC, if you want to watch cheap horror/disaster/tragedy movies just watch the stock exchange.

5. Don't buy anymore clothes. Just use those useless Armani suits you have in your wardrobe. You can wear them to bed, to the beach, anywhere, because you sure as hell are not going to wear them to your bankrupted office.

6. Limit shopping to only necessities. When you go for groceries don't get luxury items such as meat and vegies but stick to basics such as cigarettes and booze.

7. Grow your own marijuana or try to buy it in bulk. Downside is you might get thrown in jail as a distributor. But considering you get rent free shelter and free food in jail, maybe it's not such a downside after all. Also, you will get either raped or free sex depending on your sexual orientation.


Anonymous said...

This is not funny jackass, lot's of people have lost their jobs.
Ok, maybe it's a little funny.

Jimmy said...

Hey if you can't laugh at tragedy then just jump off a building or something and give the rest of us something to laugh at. Now is the most important time to be laughing at ANYTHING.