Honda: Literally Going to the Dogs

In the distant past there was once a legendary japanese motor company that produced an amazing car called the SiR, a fabulous series of B-motors with the highest specific outputs and incredible rev limits and sparked a legend with the notorious ‘type-R’ badge. A badge that to this day, that has crossed the bounadaries of manufacturers and indeed crossed the vehicular boundary into everyday parlance. This company today is making cars for dogs. WTF dogs? Yep, you heard it, dogs. How the mighty Honda has fallen. The fall highlited by the fact that the brawn F1 team – formerly known as Honda- is kicking ass this year after it replaced the shitty Honda powerplant by a Mercedes built one. Did we fail to mention that the S2000 replacemnet was canned so Honda can concentrate on the its hybrid? Consider yourseld mentioned!

Does Honda have any self respect left? People love a brand not just for the cars they can afford, but also the aura the brand generates through racing and fast and sexy sports cars. Nissan has the legendary GT-R, Mitusbishi and Subaru the boy-racer EVOs and STIs, Mazda has got the RX8 and Toyota has the new Supra on the way. What has Honda got? Why, a nice element with a cute mats-slide for your crippled dog who can’t jump 1 foot into the boot and I’m guessing a dog shit proof floor too. Or maybe the car has a special dog potty with a flush, and maybe even a prosthetic leg so your pooch can have some hump time or piss time - whichever catches its fancy. Maybe even a special saliva proof mini TV for your dog so he can watch shows such as "Cats getting owned" or "PlayDog" or possibly "GayDog" if your dog is a homo. Really high tech stuff, well done Honda!

Please don't even bother with the FD2 type-R or Mugen RR or some kind of rubbish like that. Those cars have no soul. They are not proper athletes like Usain Bolt, but Joe Blow on steroids, in a lycra suit and with some plastic surgery to reduce weight by removing his beer gut and man-boobs. I'm talking about fast cars not highly strung FWD rice rockets that you have to thrash the living daylights out of, just to beat an old lady at the lights, on a walker.

The day I decide to buy my dog a car instead of buying one for myself, please someone, runover my dog.

Have Riceboys and Ricegirls Been Abandoned By the New Generation Rockets?

In the riceboy renaissance days in the nineties, rice boys and gurls used to rule! The weapons of choice were the much revered EK9 and DC2 type-Rs, Evos, STIs and the sick-ass R34 GT-Rs. The legendary B16A/B16B engines with close to 160 stampeding horses and the torque of 2 fit turtles were the toast of most ricers. Legends and myths abounded, on how a Civic SiR with a B16 thrashed a 5 litre Camaro with 3 flat tires or a Teg-R pwning an M3 as it's owner went to get her dentures fixed. These cars were decked out in more stickers than Phileas Fogg's suitcase, body kits that probably cost 2 seconds in the 0-100 dash because of weight and drag and exhausts that could only be described as fart cannons that would easily make it into any Eddie Murphy Film. The Turbo'ed cars had hundreds of dials and meters from boost pressure, battery voltage to room temperature and relative humidity. These cars were personal expressions -most often in quite bad taste. There was a thriving after market industry around these cars with cone filters, BOVs, dish antennas you stick on the back of cars as spoilers and useless pieces of fibre you could stick to the body of your vehicle to increase your 120 bhp handicap. It was so crazy in fact, the aftermarket included try-hard products such as BOV like sound producing devices that gave the impression you have a turbo, fake inter-coolers and of course fake dohc-vtec stickers.

But now times have changed, with new incarnations of the legendary machines out there. You now have the EVO 10 with the shark snout, the STI which is now a hatch and the Nissan GT-R which has dropped the 'skyline' moniker. What about Honda? Well they put out the trashy FD2 type-R and now the super highly strung FN2- type-R.

Only time will if these machines will curry the favour of die-hard riceboys and be decked out once again in glorious stickers. While the EVO 10 and the STI 10 stand a good chance at this, the GT-R has gone backwards. It's uber expensive and will be nothing more than some rich ass-hole's play toy. At least the big Z (350Z) is kicking some ass in riceboy land!

And Honda? Honda has bitten the hand that fed it rice. Once the altar of riceboydom, where every rice boy, gurl and thing aspired to own a B-series motor, Honda has truly abandoned us ricers. Then there is the FN2- type-R which is so highly strung that to make any small modification will end up with the pistons flying through the bonnet like sky rockets and the tires going AWOL in all the four directions. Honda these days has gone for drive-ability, more torque, lower red lines and yada yada. Gone are the free revving 100+ bhp per litre lawn mower engines. Gone are the days when you could buy an SiR and modify the heck out of it and still lose to a scooter, but never lose your RESPECT!. Very soon the day will arrive where we will sit across the campfire and regale each other with tall tales of engines hitting 8500 rpm and exhausts so noisy that they'd send war veterans hobbling for cover.

All About Cars, Riceboys And Ricegirls

Is the New Euro Civic type-R (FN2) For Posers? Has Honda Japan Given It the Cold Shoulder?

Honda's latest little rice machine the the Euro civic type-R or the FN2 civic type-R seems to be killing it's competition in the UK and making inroads in Australia. However, the question that needs to be asked - that no one wants to ask - is, 'Is the Euro civic type-R for posers?' More importantly has Honda Japan (rice boy headquarters) disowned the FN2-R ?

Lets look at the facts. Type-Rs have come to represent the best of Honda's technology and racing spirit. There is always something a little raw about a type-R. From it's vtec lobes down to the LSDs, there has is something angry about it. The engine is not like a cheetah (v8 hemi), but like a house hold dog whipped close to point of death to make it run as fast. This high revving, squealing, albeit low-torque engine is what has endeared it to the rice boy community.

Let's have a look at the past Rs. You have the DC2, DC5 type-Rs. All made in japan and available in Japanese variants and export variants. You have the Ek9 also made in Japan. Then you have the Ep3 type-R. Made in the UK, but finished in japan for the Japaneses domestic market. The now legendary FD2 civic type-R (FD2-R for short) made in Japan and sold exclusively in Japan and recently in Malaysia. So what of the FN2 Euro/Australian civic type-R (FN2-R for short)? Well it's made in the UK and not officially imported into japan. Why would the Japaneses want that 3-door piece of crap? They have the mighty FD2-R that laps Tsukuba circuit to within a second of the NSX. Sure, the ride is harsh and you may end up with your liver in your lung cavity and your balls a the back of your throat, but it's uncompromising, and that is what makes it a type-R. But, the dead-give away as to the fact that Japan has quietly disowned the Euro civic is the paint! The Euro civic type-R is not available in championship white!. Every other type-R worth it's synthetic oil was offered in championship white except the 3-door. Because Rice boy headquarters in Tokyo (Honda, Japan) have deemed it unworthy to wear the legendary paint.

The FN2 makes a fine first type-R for anybody. But for hard core ricers who have owned something like a DC2-R before, driving the Euro type-R is like eating a hoof after you have tasted a wagyu beef steak. The only hope is the 260bhp Euro civic type-R R. Yes that's two 'R's. And yes, it comes in championship white!