Sunday, April 20, 2008

Big Brother 2008 Australia. Something Different

Looks like the shit is about to hit the fan this April when big brother fires up on channel Ten again. Ten is trying desperately to revive this sodden biscuit of a show by including fresh new hosts; Angry sonafabitch Radio Jock Strap Kyle Sandilands and his beautiful, but somewhat dim witted co-host Jackie-O. Kyle has stated that he wants to see an interesting house. Duh! Not a house just filled with 20-something jobless losers. He wants to see grumpy old men. Well screw him, we don't want to see grumpy old men itching their balls and cleaning their dentures. We want to see sexy house mates like UK BB's Channel Haye's in hot G-strings and uncensored antics that annoy the RSPCA such as turkey slappin, and monkey spanking.

It looks like the Big Brother franchise has exhausted all available aces. They've had a husband and wife team, a couple of gay perverts, shrews, beauties and even a lachrymal geek whose estimated IQ was about 10 points over the house average of 60. However, based on the current 'I don't think so' add campaign where they tough talk poor Johnny Howard, it looks like BB08 will bring back the good stuff like uncut, x-rated content. I sincerely hope that Mike is back with Fitzy and Bree for the FNL show. They are the best thing to happen to that pathetic mess, they called BB07, that at best wasted the cathode ray tube on many TVs and at worst contributed to the misconception that homosexual people are okay. Mike et all seemed to have a good energy and Bree's boobs are a real drool card, I meant draw card.

The only problem is how many smart people with decent jobs, responsibility and valuable opinions that extend beyond night clubs and dating have the time or the inclination to join the BB circus? None.

Here are some ideas that we might expect for BB08
  • Homosexual woman. Come on channel Ten, nobody wants to see gay men.
  • Person of the Islam faith, but preferably not someone who wanks off to Bin Laden.
  • Catholic Priest, but preferably not one into sodomizing boys, because unfortunately we cant have young boys on the show.
  • Really smart overachieving Asian person with all the personality of half a sea slug.
  • Animal cruelty such as turkey slapping, monkey spanking and beaver beating.
  • Designate one day a week as bra-and-knickers-only day.
  • Designate all remaining days as tank-top-only days.
  • Have a TV but only show porn, Today Tonight, A Current Affair or some other similar insanity or sexual urge inducing programs. Anna Coren gives me a bump in my pants!
  • 'Who Dares Wins' style food such as dicks for women and beavers for men.
  • Geek chick. A proper sexy one who plays WoW and Second Life. Not some fat crying wanker who insists 'I'm not crying' when he's clearly pissing out of his eyes.
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1 comment:

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